Getting that look… you know the one?
I walked into the office yesterday morning and walked straight into a conversation between a few people. I said hello and answered a question from one of them and then walked over to my desk. I took my coat off, grabbed my cup to make a tea (I’m English, we do a lot of tea), turned around and….
I got the look from a few people
That look that means I instantly know that someone has spoken to me and I didn’t hear them.
I’m not sure I can describe the look but if you’re hard of hearing that I bet you know what I’m talking about? The look is kind of part embarrassment, part indignation and part amusement. In fact, I don’t really know what it is but the look is always the same, no matter who’s doing it. The picture on the left is about the closest I could find!
I’ve been getting the look for years. It used to annoy me a lot when I was younger, I would get really upset and either storm off or have a bit of a go at the person giving it. But I’ve learned to brush it off, in the office yesterday I just said, “you what?”, answered the question after it was repeated and went to get my tea.
One thing I still don’t get though is why do I still get the look? I mean, everyone knows I’m partially deaf and I wear hearing aids – certainly most of the people having the conversation in the office yesterday morning know. So what is the look for? Is it because they don’t know how to respond after I’ve not heard them? Are they too embarrassed to speak up and re-ask the question? Did they think I was ignoring them on purpose? Was it just funny that I didn’t hear? Guess there’s only one way to find out, ask them.
Do you ever get the look? How do you handle it?
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I get “that look.”
And
I give it right back!
Hello? After ALL these years, you don’t GET IT, that I can’t hear?
Oh I get that look. And it still annoys me. But I’ve learnt not to go off too quickly now, and try and brush it off. It’s odd occassions depending on who that are, that I will pip and say, ‘Hello, have you forgot, I am still deaf you know, so can you repeat please what you’ve just said, but to my face this time.’ Or something on those lines.
Oh, yes. I get that look. Just about everyday. Happens all of the time. I write about these awkward moments in my blog.
I can understand why I get the look if they don’t know me–it does not feel nice if it seems like someone ignored you or brushed you off. People freak out when they don’t get a response.
BUT–I do not understand why you would continue to get the look from people who do know about your hearing loss. People are weird.
Elizabeth, (e
I *used* to get that look. Nowadays, if people don’t talk directly to my face, I just ignore them. My colleagues have had a number of deaf awareness training sessions from me and they’ve all been told they need to face me when talking and get my attention first. I’m not going to accept them treating me like a hearing person because I can’t reach that standard of communication.
I find that people just forget, because I don’t ‘look’ deaf….. if you know what I mean! I think if I used sign language instead of speech, then people would remember appropriate communication tactics.
Good luck with it.
Yes I understand where you are coming from FOL.
I get that look ALL. THE. TIME. I find it especially annoying when it comes from my sister-in-law, because I know she has judgments about my not hearing. But hearing loss runs in my family, I’m wearing my hearing aides, I have regular hearing tests — I mean, I’m doing the best I can. When she gives me “that look,” I always want to say to her: “Well, perhaps if you really wanted me to hear you, you’d (a) turn off the football game or at least turn down the volume prior to posing your question; (b) you’d not mumble, put your hand over your mouth, or be eating whilst asking the question; (c) you’d make sure that you had my attention and I was facing you and you were facing me before asking the question. Hearing is, as I see it, a two-way street. Those asking the questions need to meet us half-way. Meantime, I suppose I could give her “the look” when we’re out walking and I’m waiting for her to catch up. I may have be partially deaf, but physically I’m as spry as a spring chicken.
I used to get that look all the time. I would simply look around, and then say “Oh! Did I forget to turn on the “I’m Deaf today” sign over my head?” Usually defused the tension pretty well and let people out of the situation without feeling too sheephish. But if they were boors about it, I gave (and still do) it back just as good.
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